I am a professional woman who had a friend growing up I will call “Mithu.” Mithu was a good friend when we were children. We were neighbors and classfellows. We played together all the time, but she did not have a stable home life so my Didi insisted we play at our home. We are adults now and I have completed my education. I have a stable life and I am recently married. Mithu and I still connect through e-mail and we see each other occasionally. The problem is that Mithu uses drugs. She recently contacted me and said she wanted to get away from her bad environment and make a clean start. I said wonderful, she could come and stay with me and get away from such wrong influences. But when she came, she was behaving like a wild woman. She even used drug in my home. I do not know what to do. It seems her environment is not her problem, her drug addiction is her problem. I do not want to make her leave to the streets, but I do not want drugs in my home. I spoke with her and she said “Of course, I will not do it again.” but by night she had forgotten and was using again. She is drinking and drugging and making a mess of my home. My home is not peaceful. I have no privacy with my husband because she is sleeping on the couch and now a “friend” is visiting her at night. I think he is bringing her drugs. I want to help my friend, but I do not want this in my home. What shall I do?
Your devoted reader,
Lost and Tired
Dear Beti (I will not call you lost, though you may be tired),
Hai, what a mess Mithu has brought to your home. Aunty is proud of you for wanting to help her, but beti, I think her problems are more than you can handle. This is what rehabilitation facilities are for. They have trained staff and doctors and therapists to help her. Are you any of these things? If not, then you are not the proper place for her and you cannot give her the help she needs. Further, if the police follow this drug seller to your home, can you tell them you did not know there were illegal substances in your home? Nehi? Then you are an accomplice to a crime. Perhaps even more, because the home is yours. No beti. This is not right. There is only so much you can do, and it is not enough to truly help her. It is not easy, but you must tell her that this situation makes you uncomfortable and she must be gone in one day or two days time. Do not give more time than this for she is putting your life in jeopardy. Bringing a drug dealer to your home? You cannot know that you are safe. She might ask for time, she might ask for help, but since you have no knowledge of how to help her, you would only be prolonging the inevitable. She is not stopping the drugs. Do you want this to last two days or two years? The outcome will still be that she must leave, but how much of your life will she ruin before she goes? This is the only piece you can control. You can encourage her to go to a rehabilitation facility, but you cannot save her.